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VicariousE
Wanted to be a simple man of the Earth, enjoying art and literature, the bounty of the Earth. Instead, I have to fend against governments and principalities, global conspiracies and bad social engineering, ree, my autism

Age 52, Male/Penis

dillgent tryhard

Jeffersonian

homeless/NE USA

Joined on 2/15/01

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Turn over new leaf?

Posted by VicariousE - August 20th, 2019

Should I drastically change who I am? Thinking, yes, probably should.


When people older than myself wanted to assume control, I let them, when someone asked for my time, help or a loan I gave it to them. Now that I don't have the means to be so generous, I'm labeled a cheat, liar, asshole, bum, trespasser.


So what if I suddenly became an asshole for real? Would save me plenty of time, money and aggravation. The few friends and family I have in real life have turned their backs on me, what's to lose?


If I'm able to access Newgrounds after this month, I might not be so kind as I have been, but I'll be worse in real life. America is only good for assholes.

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S3C

it's not possible for some. I don't think you have the @sshole gene...don't lose your way dude.

VicariousE

Maybe not the gene, but oh boy, I dunno about other ppl w/ Asperger's, but I can sure let the pissy juice loose if so provoked... too bad it's not a valid argument. My own fault for talking softly, even with bulleted points, numbers, simple statements... maybe should've employed creative cussing

BenTibbetts

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're able to repair those relationships (or start new ones instead) without becoming either an asshole or a pushover.

VicariousE

Almost all people are static characters, once an asshole, always an asshole. I've been a good leader w/ my own projects, likely would've made a good husband or father.. but bleh I'm kind of a pushover when it comes to others who think they know better

zybor

Eh you are way smarter than the asshole genepool of Americans.

VicariousE

Yea should've bolted to the great white north or Australia... considered Belize even, shame I never got the contract to shoot a commercial for their tourist bureau. Americans are too damned wrapped up in achieving, collecting.. tryharding as a lifestyle, dunno why, can't battle a finite existence. Leaving something behind is good though, but not if you trample the present day

Yomuchan

You take care now. Keeping IRL away from anyone's minds does wonders.

VicariousE

IKR? Used to tell my Pop 'don't go visiting my intentions', but when you start ignoring ppl's actions... shit :(

Really miss your discord man, still in it, but haven't opened it, guess it's like a big ball of awesomeness that will keep like a good bottle of hooch, just waiting for someone to twist the cap off

S3C

not that one can make a well-founded amateur diagnosis over the internet- but why do consider yourself to have aspergers? if there's one identifiable characteristic of people on the spectrum, it would be a lack of or inability to express empathy, and to me it doesn't seem that you have such a trait.

VicariousE

I don't have the empathy gene, but I got raised by older parents who taught me values. Growing up, saw the reactions of ppl I've helped, hurt, etc, so that's visual feedback, enough to adjust my tack... you know, anything to keep me out of social problems lol. Still have emotions myself, but I know they differ from everyone else's... there seem to be fewer flavors, but more potent.

Just glad I didn't get raised or treated differently from normies, good ol' late 20th century institutional ignorance, took em 2 decades to label it, create a code number for it

AdventVoice

It is so nice to have you back on Newgrounds, leaving your thoughts and feelings about life. I have always related to a lot of your blogs and have been wondering how things are going with you and it is nice to know you are keeping your head up. I don't know about Wookums advice but I don't suggest a shelter, or any organization that is going to ask more of you than you are willing to give out. No instead I would suggest digging deep and sell yourself to the highest bidder for your talent and skills, you have a sharp mind and are full of wonderful ideas that I know someone will be able to use. Settle for nothing less than what you feel you are worth and I hope you make your goals of success, sooner than later.

VicariousE

Kinda been doing the opposite actually. Locally jobs have dried up and what little contract work I've picked up paid shit. Not much call for troubleshooters or creative types, though I've done a few things for folks who are struggling, should go back and suggest a few more things so they don't go under

AdventVoice

@AdventVoice @VicariousE is that what you are good at, trouble-shooting?

VicariousE

I am here at least lol. In real world businesses, I've been pretty good at observing discrepancies, bottlenecks, that sort of thing... when you usually take menial work, the mind has plenty of time to consider many options. Used to be good at surveying, plumbing and a few other things that nowadays require a degree and/or licensing from the State. Guess it comes down to money collection, not the old world values that fostered hard working people, and safe, clean working environments.

Cyberdevil

It's not all bad! We just all like to speak all negative. It's the vocal minority that's the most, but it feels like we ourselves speak the most on that which we feel the least: anything negative. it's become the conversation piece of choice. People are intrigued by tragedy until they're personally afflicted, or until it overwhelms them... the world needs a gradual decrease of assholes man, not more of them, I hope you find some good people out there that rekindle your positivity and hope.

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