1.) An entity greater and more complex than the universe, just like you, and everybody else
2.) If we knew in entirety, there would be no evolution or growth.
3.) Most people are going somewhere, I just always happen to be heading home
4.) Those who are autotelic (I try)
Wanted to be a simple man of the Earth, enjoying art and literature, the bounty of the Earth. Instead, I have to fend against governments and principalities, global conspiracies and bad social engineering, ree, my autism
Age 52, Male/Penis
dillgent tryhard
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homeless/NE USA
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Comments
1) Hmm, I consider God and the Universe synonymous....
2) Now that is a capital statement to be sure! Quite accurate and hopeful.
3) Ain't dat teh troof
4) Ah, new word! I've heard more than one exec call me 'self-motivated', but it really means the same thing. Again, another accurate response!
Now what happened in your past, to render this point of view? What childhood magic inspired you to think for yourself, sharpen your perception, form your own opinions? Was there never any magic moments of clarity... a mini epiphany even?
I'm getting old, and it occurs to me that where I am now, is the result of things that have happened in my distant past.... you young adults aren't that separated (linearly) from those formative events yet.
As long as it works i am fine with any civilization, so you must do some hardcore enriching, and yes that "how do you do that" that question is enormous, if we take it seriously enough it can even be overwhelming.
Yeah in the end god is everything.
I disagree, we can know what we want, and depending on it this can go on forever, hence neither growth nor evolution would stop to exist, for example happiness (unless you believe in true and absolute happiness, in which case there goes my example haha).
Ah home, but of course!
Indeed autotelic, is a new word for me too, thanks dude, for helping in the expansion of my lexicon!
Real-world experiences... yeah i can agree, but just what kind of experiences? in the end most answers are out there, the problem is in which places?
Hmm, I left your last question blank, have now thought hard about it twice, but I just don't know. I can't say I've had any 'magical' moments. I would rather not have to experience "true grief" if that's what it takes to experience "true happiness", even if this course of events is inevitable..I guess what I'm saying is, I've never had any individual magical moments, I just try to live and learn day by day, try not to take things for granted, which has made me into the non-extraordinary person (and it makes sense) that I currently am, tiny increment by increment.
let's take playing guitar for example that elucidates my answer to the first question posed in this blogpost...you first play guitar for the sake of playing guitar. then you realize that you are contributing to a bigger picture, you play guitar to make music. You make music as means of trying to express, explore, and understand the universe. But you do this all because you truly don't understand yourself.
If you had what you wanted, you would have no reason to grow. (Kinda evades the second question doesnt it?) You can never entirely know or define what it is that you want until you get there...how many times have you been in the middle of the project, or a video game, to only realize that it's
I guess my underlying message here is that life is an ongoing learning and growing process. Like in music, you can't have resolution and consonance without tension and dissonance. You can't have arithmetic without 1s to go within the 0s. You can't have life without positive and negative charges. You can't have images without contrasting black with white. Life's about examining the infinite details between.
I was raised very religiously. I know more about the bible than your average priest. My dad is half black and half white; my mother is from the Caribbean Islands. I'm the youngest of 4 kids. Two sets of twins. My father and Grandfather are artists, although never doing it for a living. Mother is too, many types of art. So naturally, I was blessed and cursed with that interest. My father became a missionary at 19, till he met my mom and got married at 30. My moms got a life time story of struggle, had to drop out of school when she was 11 to take care of her brothers and sisters.
So they know nothing about how to survive in America. But they taught me about God, and I do believe what they taught. I believe that if there is a truth about God, what the taught me is it.. I think. I'm not sure. They gave me one hell of a conscience though, and an appreciation for what I have. But, I don't know of anyone more unprepared to succeed in this world then myself.
That's why I work so hard on my art. But sometimes it seems futile to even try that anymore. Like I should go learn to be an electrician or something. I would, I just don't know if I'd succeed at it. The only thing I know I have a chance at is art and design.
I guess, I just want to be able to help my family. My sister just talked to me, she says I should get out more go to an art museum; save up and travel out of the states. I think that's a good idea. I'm trapped in my little sphere of despair. I need to find something to be obsessed about. So I can start going, even if I'm not sure where.
First I'd just like to say, you're one of my favorite Newgrounds' heroes. Your art and poetry have constantly and consistently improved far beyond my expectations. That said, your origins sound like they might've come out of a Stephen King novel :) Ah, my Ma did the same at 15... worked in sweatshops, machine sewing garments. She was a brilliant artist, up until she got married. One evening alone, she showed me her sketch pad, and just floored me with her talent (was 8 or 9). Then she threw them out :| She said she kept them to show us kids, who she was before she got married and kids, soon after.
America used to be a far better place for success, because, we were all brothers to one another.... my accountant used the phrase "paying it forward", but it used to be called the "common cause" (Revolutionary war and afterwards). The accountant didn't charge me for my visit, no paperwork needed or checks to the State or Fed necessary...
Gotta find places where old people still ply their trade... yeah, find an old electrician or mechanic, spend some time with him, help out. We learn by doing (as you are quite solidly aware). YouTube and Wikipedia (college course websites) can show you the academics of things. But the real world application of these things, is what we're all curious about. Most trades involve traveling and then getting paid.... hopefully in a timely manner :|
Yeah man, art galleries and museums/ bookstores and libraries for poetry... there's gotta be a few good ones up your way. Shit, check the yellow pages, Google... other artists too. Check the upscale shore 'communities' before spring break - they have lots of art up for grabs.
Fresh eyes see far, no need to go too far to do that, I think... Being useful, generous, friendly and loving to people, is the surest way to leave despair behind. The internet is only a window of real life...
I see your point, but:
"If you had what you wanted, you would have no reason to grow. (Kinda evades the second question doesnt it?) You can never entirely know or define what it is that you want until you get there"
I have 2 objections to this:
One is the very first part of the sentence, if i had what i want then that's it, it ends but if i know what i want i can strive to achieve it.
The second, is that i can always enhance that which i have made a purpose to be attained, thus making it a never ending pursuit, what someone wants can be something that may never be completed on its entirety, and that is the catch, that it goes against the concept of entirety, because it demands a perfection, an ending, in that case it is true that there wouldn't be any growth or evolution, but at the same thing, there is nothing perfect, so we work under a pseudo understatement of what we think is that which we want, without never really knowing the entirety of what we want, in that regard you are correct.
So what we want, is just an idea, an incomplete representation of our aspirations, dreams, desires and hopes, and this representation is not in its entirety, and the moment it becomes complete it ends in most cases, as an example of what i think could be an exception, a telos could be the exploration of all space in all its frames of time just for the sake of knowing, in that case it would never end, what it could end is the method of exploration (the means that allow us to explore), but the exploration itself would continue, this of course follows more a passion than a rationality pretty much like playing the guitar.
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ulysses_%28poem%29
Ask any older person about retirement, and most will say it's a death sentence... as soon as they stop doing their routine, they cease to have meaning, then die. Happened to my Pop 10 months ago :| He lost meaning not long after I moved out and held my own (barely), but he found meaning in others: technical advice, some light wrenching, scavenged food for himself and others outta walk-in dumpsters...
Yeah you're right, the human mind keeps going up Maslow's pyramid looking for new things to fuck with.
To dedicate ourselves to others, a new way to regain the meaning we once had, quite wise.
On the other hand retirement is a thing that is imposed by society, so this new meaning is a forced one, regardless of what new path we choose, now of course if we are to be strict here, humans are born into society and from day 1 everything is imposed on them, makes you wonder if real freedom exist, independence, to really be self-sufficient, but even then, can we really say that our actions and thoughts are ours? free from culture, religion, tradition, that which makes morals?
I am asking this because, what you just said just make me wonder, do grandparents start to take care of their children, because they are on retirement, or because they genuinely enjoy it, if you ask them "if you could go and do something else would you do it, or would you remain here taking care of your kid's kids?" well sure the answer will vary from person to person.
But, what if you never had kids, what if your kids never had kids of their own? If i understand, your dad was doing a community service, giving advice to those in need, and i guess that fulfilled him, or you could write, or do some kind of art. But with retirement, the trick is on how much you really enjoyed your work, it can be an opportunity to try something new, to do that which we never had the time to do, but it can also be an execution, a death sentence, the retirement check may not be as much as what you earned while working, and the frustration of not being able to do your job may always linger there, by that point your acquaintances may be too old to engage in an adventure around the world, and if the person is alone he may experience attacks of depression, plus everyone you know starts dying, and on top of it all, now you have this huge space of free time, and suddenly you realize you yourself have become old, the world changed while you worked, and the center of that dedication is no longer there, you look back at what exactly was that you did with your life? what can you be proud of? what can you do now with that? so you desire to share it, to see if someone else can benefit from your experience, from your life, that life that seems to be going away from you, and yet you are alive...
Now i myself am feeling old, and i'm 20, What do you want? the question of a life time. and a job was never the answer.
Hmm, Neitz is covering the first part of your comment...
Ah, I know my Ma wanted grandkids... in moderation. Older folks don't have the patience for hyperactive little bulls, in their well kept china shops. A lot of grandparents are forced into looking after their feral offspring's offspring.
Sadly like a lot of retired folk, they don't learn anything new, but constantly go over what was best about the old way of doing things, debating the here-and-now.... worthy fight, if a bit sad. I'm in that boat too lol! I got into videotape, right before digital was practical, and didn't cost a few grand. Figured out some slick optical effects (magicians tricks mostly) though.
Nah, some jobs fill that 'contribute' void well. You do your part, while everyone else does theirs... then there's some interdepartmental stuff on the side.... I worked construction, video production, cleaning, managing... all of which have quite visible and long lasting results.
^_^ Thanks, V! Your always encouraging, and loll yeah, I have a very interesting heritage. Thats sad that your mom threw them out. She must of just wanted to forget about it :/ Reminds me of my gramps, he's about 92 now, and I get discouraged to even talk to him about art, because 30 sec into the conversation, he'll just be like, "Yeah... I never got to do that for a living.....". Last time I talked to him though, he said something more direct. Just general life advice, and then he said, "It's not easy, but you'll do ok." Doesn't sound like much, but it's the closest thing I got to someone saying they believed in me, or that I can succeed in a long time.
Yeah my brothers wants to school for a few months on how to install solar panels. I was thinking of joining him, if I can save up enough. You know I always fantasized about is having an art mentor who wanted to show me the ropes. Help me figure it all out. I'll figure it out though, I just have to get on the move. Physically and mentally.
See I've been so caught up in myself, I know there's a lot to see. I live 2hrs away from New York City. Long Island's got its moments too. It's true I should probably wait a little to go flying to China, haha. That would definitely be trying to run before I can crawl.
You get to be 90, all the world's a pain in the ass - everything already said and done, which makes real life boring as fuck. He said what mattered, your Grandpa... glad you got to know him (as well as can be expected considering his current age).
Before my Pop quit construction, I got to be better than he was, engineering-wise, and yet, he taught me. Let your bro do the schooling, and you can help him.. after a while, you'll know enough. As far as art, can't say, one way or the other, but because you deem it necessary, you have excelled.
Buy some cheap coffee table art books, and observe the styles - that's all the mentoring you should need. Check art schools online, and their curriculum - they often list the artists they teach about.... all you need to know, you can find at the library or online. The most successful ppl are self made men :|
I am nor
I want to post here
Im leaving this newspost
I serve no one, I trust my family and friends
MAGIC IS SCIENCE
Nor is what you call yourself, but tells me nothing about you.
What do you want physically? What goals do you wish to attain?
Awwww,
Well, you must serve yourself first.... and serve others to get what you want...
What sorcery, depends on your point of view....
You made it to the big leagues. You are the NG Logs User of the Day.
Oh, blast! I immediately thought it was NG's UOTD :(
Heh, I've been UOTD on NG Logs once before... didn't finish depositing last night, so I didn't deposit there... Cool, my crappy levels will be posted twice on the main page. Really glad I'm getting my blam points up. I don't vote on every single thing that's UJ, mostly movies... no sense in buggering up my ratio with too many saves.
your boy sam ^^
happiness :D
getting as many friends as i can :P
i serve everybody and do whatever my friends ask me to do :D
i trust very few people ಠ ಠ
Hey Sam! Good story!
When you find happiness, roll around on it, like a dog or dog would! Because like a lot of life, it's only here for a moment, and you should do all you can to enjoy it while it's here, and remember them well when they're not (around).
It got really cold outside, and I had some real sugar before... feel a tad dizzy and loopy O_o
Where exactly can i see the current NG's UOTD, i have been searching and no luck at all... i end in the list of the past (and also current NG's UOTD), but not the neat profile info with the number of post, info, and fave portal entry.
Yeah those are jobs that you can, somehow still do after you retire, depending of your health, or you can give advice in the field, sure, but i was thinking more in the mentality of a broken routine, a life style that you can't continue, in that case a job can't be an answer because is something that leaves you, and it does so before you start to, well die.
My last comment was more of a fiction, inside the point of view of an old man, which life was dedicated to his job, and now is unable to keep working, but in the process all his contemporaries which are old too, seem to show themselves in their deathbeds, so he finds himself in a process of slowly being left behind, by those he knows as they die, by his life style which he can't return to, for lets say society doesn't allows him to, or he is physically too old, and since all that he ever did was working now he is lost.
So i come to the conclusion, after making that little story, that a job by itself is not enough, and now in the continuation, i was thinking about the tale of the old man when he decides to impart his gathered knowledge with the younger generations, and end it in an incognito, in which i ask if that is enough to satisfy his emptiness, to fill the void.
But, it is late and i want to sleep, also the story of this old man is quite sad, even if a happy ending starts to form as this dialogue grows, no i will definitely continue it, after i get some sleep, tomorrow... i mean, today... damn it is 4 am already, and since i am making promises i will also upload a WIP, of my current painting, finally! i just can't believe that even if i didn't advanced in the story of the old retired man, that this post is still this long, and there is also that other story i am making with Nietzlawe, man now imagine if participated on the BBS? i tell you those forums would end devouring my time.
Yeah, haven't seen that expanded list in a long while, did we lose it in the redesign?
Oh i forgot, while is true that my first part is a clear reflection of Nietzsche, i said it more from a a David Hume kind of deal, in which all our perceptions are controlled from our mental bias which are a product of our culture, in that case is more a psychological phenomenon, than a cultural one, so to not end inside that will to power problem, now in Hume this one is even worse because we can't escape our minds, we can't stop being humans, the superman of Nietzsche is impossible in Hume, what we can develop is skepticism and probability, but even that is manipulated by our humanity, which resides inside society, damn even this clarification is long as fuck, whyyy?!!! WHYYYY!!!?
When you look at human will from that point of view, you have to wonder about the fate/free will thing. The Catholics believe the individual, is just a read only file, in God's brain. But, out of 1:~500,000, actually do have free will.... holy beans, that's the Matrix argument!
I took an AP psychology (sociology in fact) course, senior year of high school. They should've just taught Sherlock Holmes and Shakespeare......
where do you find your happiness ?
That's a good question! Ideally, it should come from within, and not need external stimuli.
For me, discovery of new things makes me happy. Other happy things: successfully helping people out, playing a new video game (haven't done that in a while... the games here barely count lol), reading a good book... having the attention of a nice lady ;)
In my early 20's, I made a movie called 'Cannabis Happiness'. Thanks to a lazy and usually missing cast, didn't turn out so happy, and the end of the flick certainly shows it :| The original script was awfully good, but I didn't have enough cast members, and a few key roles went unfilled.
I finished some questionnaires for some characters I want to write about that touch on these subjects. Did I share those yet or did I just say I was going to share them? Most of my answers are pretty mundane, but I this is a chance to see if I can or can't write worth shit.
No, I haven't seen them yet, and mundane answers are fine.... PM me a link; NG Dump supports a few kinds of text.
1.Who are you?
2.What do you want?
3.Where are you going?
4.You do you serve, who do you trust?
5.What magic from your past, has positively influenced your life now?
1. I am unknown and unnamed.
2. I want to be free.
3. I am going to find the one who made me this way.
4. I serve myself, and trust no one.
5. The magic of strength has brought me to where I am now.
I wasn't quite sure how this worked... make up a story of a character based off of the questions?
:D
Certainly the germ of an interesting character bio, and story as well! An amnesiac who always travels, looking for the villain/influence in her/his life... and the strength part sounds like Conan the Barbarian (or Sonya the Red), from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_E._Howard 's writings.
Yeah, I should've left the body of the post blank, and let the news post title speak for itself. I just listed pondering points, as to the nature of the stories I wanted to see....
We all have things that happened to us in the past, that have made us who we are today.
Not unlike the questions asked in the movie "Blade Runner", to ID Replicants from actual human beings. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6oplzJuR08 Replicants were 'gifted' with actual memories of things they never did, to stabilize their emotional responses (they only last 4 years, after they are produced, as superhuman slaves off-world).
I dunno, I beat :| Night all
Ok so i will continue the story of the old man, i was going to upload the WIP today but rain has poured all these days, and i have been unable to get any decent light, but with the shots that i got i was able to see something, it somehow looks better on camera than IRL, haha, it probably is the flash, but i want natural light for it, i know, excuses, excuses.
And the man wonders, what should i do with my life now? society seems to no longer need me, most of my friends are all gone, others are soon to leave, so what to do now? he starts to look back, to contemplate the past, to remember, the first months of retirement he spends his whole time looking at old photos, watching videos, he spends most of his time at home, every now and then goes to the internet and watches some videos, chats with people, posts some story about the old times, but that is not enough, melancholy consumes him, and what once was an early morning run by the park, is now more of a walk around the house, his body has grown weak, and his mind is a little bored, what to do? he wonders, he grabs some books, and reads, then he tries to talk about them, so he goes to the internet, and if there's something he knows is how to deal with people, after all his whole life was working and interacting with them, so he was approachable, he was lonely, but in the web he was agreeable, people asked him advice, so he answered.
He then decided to settle, to guide others with what he knew, to become a teacher of life, even if it seemed that his own life was somehow filled with mistakes, at least he could be an example of what not to do.
His own life? mistakes? what about it? he is now old? but so what!? is he worse, is he better? it hardly matters! he is himself, him from the past, the present or the future, they all have their pros and cons, but none was better than the other, the energy he lacks now can be backed with experience, the friends he no longer has can be replaced with his hobbies... and as he said that... he found out a lie, he was lonely; yes. But he was not sad, his friends couldn't be replaced, nothing could, he had to accept it, and be happy for what he once had.
He looked at a mirror, a face with some wrinkles and grey hair was in front of him, what the...? he didn't aged well, for a 70 old man, but it didn't bothered him, he no longer cared about his age, the time to be sad was over.
The past present and future self does indeed havve its pros and cons, and I guess any one of them is no better or worse, than any other time in life...
But, it used to be standard, for older ppl to be more revered and sought after, for their intelligence and years of experience. In modern workplaces, younger employees mean: less healthcare, more stamina, more control. Younger ppl are more controlable, partly due to modern educational brow beating, party due to lack of experience - they can be molded into slaves.
Is the use of subjugating power to subjugate the subject into subjugation, once subdued, the subject will become an object, of the objectionable objectives of the objectors, without any possibility to plea for any objection. It is like an injection, being injected in the not yet infected, with the virus of experience, so they deprive them of the experiment, to experience life.
I have been talking too much with Nietzlawe, hardly noticeable...
Who'd have guessed lol. Pretty good rhyme in a second language
Gonna shut down my page tonight, got too much shit to do, guess I put pictures up sometime after the 9th of November, after the most frenzied bits are over with.
Meh, better do it now :|
Haha, thanks but i owe all that to Mr Nietz, i blame him the influence XD.
As long as you separate some time for this, is ok to shut down some things
http://lifehackable.com/post/65556424681/daily-life-hacks-here
Awesome, thanks, wrote it on my calendar... have to check out the rest of the site later
A lot pf prophecy is centered on astrological phenomenon...
Yeah.... fat girls, i don't even get that, i have missed every damn eclipse ever, it is always raining, or at the other side of the planet, or just plain cloudy!! indeed today's one? missed it too, not even that i am still on time and is goddamn raining! well not really it actually passed already the point is i missed it again.
Yeah is a sad story, but i like to think that once he realized that he was indeed old, and that just for being old not everything was lost, that he was able to forge himself new happiness.
Mr Nietz, don't do that to me, please tell me what else happens in that story? i can't handle the suspense.
Doomroar
-I am me, and that means a variety of things that not even I understand... yet.
-I want Self-Actualization, to achieve the best of my capabilities, and surpass myself, and blocking that are my biggest obstacles, laziness, procrastination and diversions, diversions that may be helpful, but don't encompass my own production.
-Where am i going? That is the question of a life's worth, there are plenty of things, i would like to know how is that we perceive the world, and how and why act, in a lesser extent to know why is that world wide culture is in such degeneration even if more people participate of such culture, and if it can even be fixed, and then lastly to solve my political worries, that regard, demands of the cooperation of others, and is the one with the biggest scale, and the more unlikely to ever be solved, as you can see none of these things, are physical places.
-Who do i serve? myself, then the general whole.
-I trust myself, since i even know when i going to fall to myself, i constantly wonder if my current actions can justify themselves to myself and then others, thus i know if i am betraying myself, then even if she is not there most of the time, i guess i trust my mother, i can't say i trust my dog he is too friendly with everyone, and i say everyone.
-Magic? no, maybe the contrary, the reality that even this awful world can be changed by rationality, and what comes after all that fails is force, to force my way into change, maybe that is what keeps me going, which is to say, the moment human intellect (and ALL else) fails me, i would surely snap, but not against myself, but against others, in that case i guess i am a man of little faith, because i am always questioning if what i found should be used to help others or should i jump in the bandwagon and just bite the cake, the cake known as selfishness, and if i put it like that, im... just kinda lame, because that the world is giving up doesn't mean that i should, but there is not much a person can do by itself, so if after all is said and done, i see that nothing happened, i guess i would start doing what all the other bastards do, the same bastards that have this world in the deplorable state that is. The trick here is to be able to understand and recognize that i did all which i was able to do.
Goddammit Mr Vicarious why do you ask such things, and why do i answer?
VicariousE
Actually, I was looking for a story/anecdote, not a line-by-line quiz. Those 'questions' I added to the body of the post, were reference points, for the kind of tales, I was looking for. So, in that respect, the first half of your comment was kinda unnecessary, because... I know you dude :) you're very self-actualized. You just need more real-world experiences, to put it all into perspective lol
The second half of your comment does indeed have a story though. It's way too close to my own. In my senior class yearbook, they asked us, "What are your goals after you graduate?" My answer was (approximately),"To protect and enrich Western civilization to the best of my ability, so it may continue, flourish and be better than it is now." But how do you do that? Don't answer that; rhetorical question.